It’s Wednesday! So our live show is happening tonight at 9pm EST. We hope you’ll tune in. Hanging out with you all is a highlight of our week.
With Valentine’s Day approaching, Adam and I wanted to take a moment to invite you behind-the-scenes a bit. You see, some people think we’ve got this marriage thing figured out- ha! And while we love each other deeply and are big fans of one another, we have issues. We thought you should know that (you probably already did, but it feels necessary to say it anyway).
The following is an excerpt from an interview that I did for the Wife Coach – Amanda Davison. She posed these questions and here are my candid responses.
Real Talk about Our Less-Than-Perfect Marriage
What difficulties have you faced as a wife?
As a tightly wound woman, I have control issues. This has played out in our marriage. I can be bossy which comes across as disrespectful and demeaning to my man. I’m working on my tone, and giving him space for his personality instead of trying to get him to morph into mine.
Were there any unhealthy expectations you had going into marriage that you later learned were not helpful?
Yes, I assumed that a Christian marriage should look a certain way…the guy did the finances, he led morning devotionals, etc. When our marriage didn’t look like that I was frustrated but then I realized (through the help and patience of my man) that just because we do things differently doesn’t mean they are wrong.Discover what works for you as a couple. Click To Tweet
Comparing your marriages to others often breeds discontentment.
How did you struggle with housework and/or differences in amount of work each spouse does?
Adam is really helpful around the house, but I know this is not the case in many marriages. I think the biggest thing is communicating. If you feel like you’re on your own with household tasks, see if you could delegate some responsibilities by hiring someone (if your budget allows) or swapping chores with a friend. Maybe you could bring her a meal each week and she would vacuum and dust for you?
I think a lot of the issues can come from what you and your spouse were used to growing up. For example, my dad took out the trash so I expected Adam to do that. He usually does, but I do sometimes too. Again, communication is key.Sometimes our spouse doesn’t know we need help with a task unless we ask for it and ask them to do it. Assume the best! Click To Tweet
In what ways have you struggled with intimacy with your spouse?
Intimacy is a vulnerable area. Many couples are not intimate very often and we believe that it can lead into dangerous territory. If you have a medical issue, seek help. If you have a low drive, try to find out why. I personally think that we women run ourselves ragged during the day and then have nothing left to give. We have changed the time of day that we commence and it has made a big difference! ?
Intimacy is especially challenging when your kids are babies, when you’re in a busy season, or when you’re upset. But God knew what He was doing when He gave us the gift of sex within marriage. It is like glue that helps keep us connected emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
Because of my personality, I tend to like to keep things the same but Adam has patiently helped me grow in this area and spice things up a bit. And I’m glad. We communicate about sex and have had some difficult conversations about our pasts in order to improve our love life.
In what ways have you struggled with communicating with your spouse?
My friend, Laurie, gave me a powerful tool to help communicate with my spouse. Since I have been blessed with big emotions, most things are a 10 on my scale of emotions. So, I sometimes will say, “This situation is a 3” (meaning it is not that big of a deal). Or, one time, I told Adam, “This is an 11!” (meaning I was really upset by something). This scale has helped him understand where I am coming from and navigate my sea of “big” feelings.
Read the rest of this interview over on the Wife Coach’s place…
You might also like:
The Wife Coach Interview with Me about Control in Marriage
Valentine’s Expectations: Because He’s Not Always Thinking About Flowers and You’re Not Always Thinking About Sex
Our Love Story: When Oil and Water Mix