east. Melancholy mood surrounds, a quiet soberness, a kind of numbness- one
foot in front of the next. Somewhere beneath surface trying to grasp another loss. How to feel? What is an appropriate and healthy (real) response to this circumstance? How many possibilities can be exhausted, a glimpse of hope then rocks dashed. Knowing “right” answers, yet, their comfort distant in this moment. I glance back and am surprised; stunning
sunset commands the sky behind.
Contemplating, is their somehow protection in pain?
Are these losses a way to see more clearly somehow?
So much to count and be thankful for, so many blessings.
So much gain compared to others’ losses. Yet, this is still hard.
Dark veil present, yet light breaking in, in surprising, spectacular ways.
Recently, I listened to an interview with Audrey Assad about her new CD entitled, Heart. She said something like the songs on the CD were like a prophecy for her life. She wrote them not knowing that in the future she would understand them in a deeper way and need their messages even more then. I feel like that about my CD too. When I wrote the songs they were meaningful to what I was going through and processing at the time, but now they carry a message I especially need to hear. Like the song that plays on this blog…”Waitin’ On Someday”. That song is much more true of my life now as we keep waiting on someday in regards to our adoption, “Sometimes the pain is blinding, and the road keeps winding. But I put one foot before the next, and trust that You know best”.
We keep on, running in the direction He has led us for now.
Fighting the urge to…
I think of Abraham, Noah, and Joseph from the Bible. They kept going and followed Him and His instructions in the midst of accusation, others not understanding, mocking, and trials…and time, much time past before the fruition of the promises. They kept going, seeking Him with action and obedience. May this be true of you and me. May we delight in life now and hold fast to His promises…
5 Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
my hope comes from him.
6 Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
7 My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
8 Trust in him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.