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Finding Grace in the Unraveling of Life

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in Motherhood

An Open Letter To The Mom On Her Phone

Dear Mom:

I see you there on your phone. You sit in the doctor’s office avoiding eye contact with the “NO CELL PHONES” sign. The receptionist might be annoyed by your rebellion but I get you. You can’t cure your child’s cold but you can control whether or not you like Amy’s latest DIY project. You aren’t trying to be rude but you are craving a few moments of peace.

You feel the eye rolls and harsh judgment aimed in your direction as you frequently check your phone in public. Yes you can go overboard and live distracted with that techie rectangle attached to your palm but I think I know why you are on your phone and it’s not what they think it is.

Picture

1. You work hard and often run yourself ragged. I think you are on your phone for some sanity and a little solace. You scroll down, connecting to the wide world, reaching out so you don’t feel alone in your struggles or unnoticed in your successes. I see you scrolling, snickering, and sniffling in the waiting rooms, while you sit on the bleachers, and as you linger in your car before braving the grocery store.

You can’t protect your freshly mopped floor from spilled milk but you can pin that beautiful ceramic tile and keep it looking radiant on your “Kool Kitchens” Pinterest Board. You are secretly struggling with little Junior’s strong-willed assertions but online you are an expert at arm-knitting and it makes you feel accomplished and in control (even if it’s just over a spool of navy blue yarn).

When you Instagram that homemade apple pie I think it has less to do with arrogance and more to do with “Can you believe what I managed to create amidst the crazy?” #killingitinthekitchen

So many things you do are undone before anyone notices that you got them done in the first place.

The pie will get devoured in five minutes flat but if you capture it on screen you can revisit your accomplishment and still see it all in one piece for years to come. And guess what? 17 other people virtually loved it too. You may not be able to get to the bottom of darling daughter’s secrecy or middle son’s anger issues but today you made a pie and didn’t swear in the process. #sweetsuccess

2. You are aching for appreciation. Someone giving you a thumbs up on your new haircut can help you hold your head a little higher as you juggle schedules, sleep deprivation and stinky diapers. A friend pinning your latest blog post graphic can bring a smile to your face even when you are scrubbing that puke out of the van’s console. Someone else liking your latest status “Junior had a dry pull-up this morning!” can be wind in your sails after a year of potty-training disasters. And someone retweeting something witty you said can make you feel smart, even if just for a few seconds.

Family of four fall photo by Katie M. Reid photography

3. You are harder on yourself than necessary. Yes, your inbox can deliver mommy guilt and shame or it can breathe grace into your less-than-stellar days. Yes, your phone-time can get out of hand but it can also lend a helping hand as you send out an “SOS: I need a Mom’s Night Out!” or “Help! Has anyone ever dealt with a toddler swallowing a Lego before?!” Don’t ask me how I know.

Speaking of Mom’s Night Out (the movie), you need to hear this quote from it, again, “This mom thing is crazy hard but you are doing an amazing job.” Really, let it sink it. You are doing a great job. You are amazing. And even if your mother-in-law doesn’t understand why you’ve joined fourteen Cloth Diaper Facebook groups and you check them more often than you actually check Junior’s diaper, I understand.

4. You feel isolated amidst your motherhood mayhem. Through the trials and triumphs of parenting the internet can help you connect with others who are walking a similar road. Breastfeeding vs. formula wars can suck you dry but that one message from your friend across the country declaring, “You’re a great mom!” can make it all worth it.

5. You find solace from your current crazy. Sure your news feed can bog you down with more burdens or it can lighten your load with courage-words, inspiration and compliments. Sure the web can tangle you up in jealousy, insecurities, and all sorts of ugly. But, it also can be: a lifeline from drowning in domestic duties; a recharge as you try and balance work, family, and time for yourself; a place to celebrate your latest endeavor, show off your vacation photos of surviving Disney, or receive a pat on the back for finally potty-training Junior before he entered Junior High.

Katie M. Reid Photography famiy fall picture
So as the naysayers critique your data intake, I want you to know that I am glad that you are connecting with others who can help cheer you on in this noble endeavor of being a mom.

It is rewarding and terrifying and worth it as you invest in your littles and get help along the way. So the next time I see you pecking out a text, cracking up at the latest video, or wiping stray tears as you view that endearing fabric softener commercial again, know that you are not alone.

Of course, you don’t want to neglect your child or live disconnected from reality. And you already know that the unplugged, ordinary moments you spend together are extraordinary connections that will be treasured for a lifetime. But I think you are on your phone, most of the time, for a little break, to find a “me too” out there, to receive a boost that says, “Keep going, you can do this. It’s crazy hard but you’ve got this.”

If I catch your eye in the waiting room, between keeping Junior out of the fish tank, Trivia Crack rounds and composing a profound quote for the ages, I’ll smile and nod and give you a hearty thumbs up.

Sincerely,
Another Mom On Her Phone 🙂

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I’d love to connect with you on Facebook too.

P.S. I’m linking up today with some other moms at Three Word Wednesday, Coffee for Your Heart, and #TellHisStory.

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Filed Under: Motherhood Tagged With: children, community, encouragement, letter

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Kristin Hill Taylor says

    February 11, 2015 at 7:28 am

    I appreciate this. I think there is a fine line with technology, but I am blessed by it regularly. Thanks for encouraging well. xoxo

    • Katie Reid says

      February 11, 2015 at 11:38 am

      I agree with you Kristin, there is a fine line, but I tend to be an all or nothing kind of gal, so I thought it was important to point out the benefits.:)

  2. Kortney says

    February 11, 2015 at 7:44 am

    Yes, connections are good and it does help to have someone cheering us on. Thanks for sharing! your neighbor at #tellhisstory

    • Katie Reid says

      February 11, 2015 at 11:49 am

      Hi Kortney- Thankful for all the connections that blogging has provided.:)

  3. Emiliy says

    February 11, 2015 at 7:53 am

    I enjoyed this post! I initially laughed at arm knitting, but at a glance it looked very cool!

    • Katie Reid says

      February 11, 2015 at 11:50 am

      I don’t personally know how to arm knit, but my sis-in-law does and so I enjoy wearing the fun scarves she makes.:)

  4. Alecia Simersky says

    February 11, 2015 at 10:35 am

    Amen! Amen! Amen!! While I agree it can get out of hand, sometimes it is the break you need. I never would have thought connecting online would become so meaningful. I’m glad we have today’s technology (most of the time).

    • Katie Reid says

      February 11, 2015 at 11:54 am

      Yes Alecia, I totally get the “most of the time”. It can be a love/hate relationship for sure. But there are great benefits. Connecting with you is one of them.:)

  5. Susan Shipe says

    February 11, 2015 at 10:38 am

    I truly enjoyed this post! What a great perspective. Visiting from Kristin’s.

    • Katie Reid says

      February 11, 2015 at 11:55 am

      Thank you Susan. I appreciate your encouragement. Happy Wednesday to you.:)

  6. Brandi says

    February 11, 2015 at 11:01 am

    Katie,
    I really kinda needed this today. Like, for real! I have found some amazing encouragement and connection “online” and there are times where connecting with those people in those places is the only breath of fresh air, the only moment of calm in the midst of a crazy, chaotic, and extremely LOUD world I live in every day. 🙂 Thank you for this virtual hug! I’m glad I popped over here from Holley Gerth’s link up!

    • Katie Reid says

      February 11, 2015 at 11:51 am

      Hi Brandi- Sending a cyber hug as you live in the LOUD.:)

  7. Jenni DeWitt says

    February 11, 2015 at 11:08 am

    I cringed as I opened this post. I thought it was going to be another rant about every mother who spent a few moments on her phone instead of engaging with her children. I was so happy when it was the complete opposite. When it comes down to it, we are all doing the best we can. Chances are we are all trying to remember to use our phones for good and not evil. And sometimes that “good” is the mental break we need from reality for a few moments. I was blessed and encouraged by your words today. Thank you!
    Jenni

    • Katie Reid says

      February 11, 2015 at 11:53 am

      Hi Jenni.:) I figured we didn’t need any more guilt added on to our try-hard selves. Of course these is balance but thought we needed to hear about some of the reasons why we love being on our phones too. Thanks for sharing.

  8. Anita Ojeda says

    February 11, 2015 at 12:05 pm

    I like your take on this :). It’s so easy to be self-righteous and condemning when we see people on their phones–but really, we all do it and for me it’s for many of the reason that you mention above (although my children are out of the nest–I still feel the need for connection with others on a time line I can manage 🙂 ).

    • Katie Reid says

      February 14, 2015 at 8:38 am

      Thanks Anita. This need for connection is hard-wired into us at all stages, isn’t it? 🙂

  9. Nicole says

    February 12, 2015 at 6:33 am

    LOVED this! Very well written. Thank you!

    • Katie Reid says

      February 14, 2015 at 8:38 am

      You are most welcome Nicole.:)

  10. Sarah says

    February 12, 2015 at 1:15 pm

    Love this! There are days I feel so witty when I think of something that gets a lot of likes. It’s the little things 🙂

    • Katie Reid says

      February 14, 2015 at 8:39 am

      I agree Sarah;)

  11. Tiffany says

    February 12, 2015 at 2:33 pm

    I liked this, Katie. I try very hard to balance my time with my technology appendages (and teach my son to do the same), but you are so right – sometimes we just need a break from everything spinning around us – time to zone out. And now, with bible apps and devotions at our fingertips, we can even find time to be still with God right on our phone. Very gracious perspective here – blessed to be stopping by from Holley’s.

    • Katie Reid says

      February 14, 2015 at 8:39 am

      Thanks for stopping by.:)

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