• Home
  • Blog
  • Nav Social Menu

    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter
    • YouTube

Katie M. Reid

Finding Grace in the Unraveling of Life

  • Home
    • About
  • Books
    • Made Like Martha
    • A Very Bavarian Christmas
    • Judges Bible Study
  • Blog
    • Disclosure
  • Podcast
  • Speaking
  • Store
    • Resources
  • Singing
  • Contact
    • Privacy Policy

in Guest Post· Listen Close· Listen Well

Listen Close, Listen Well: Fear and Doorknobs (Kim Osterholzer)

Listen Close, Listen Well series, graphic by Traci Little for Katie M. Reid

The Listen Close, Listen Well series continues today with a special guest. Kim and I connected through her sister Kris (who has also guest posted here). I had the privilege of providing feedback for Kim’s book proposal on midwifery last month. Kim is a talented midwife and writer. Let’s give her a warm welcome as we learn to listen better through the moving story that she shares today.

Kim Woodward Osterholzer headshot author and midwife

Kim Woodard Osterholzer is a homebirth midwife in Colorado Springs, and her passion is the happy, healthy beginnings of families. Kim’s attended the births of more than 500 babies, including the birth of her new granddaughter. Kim’s also a blogger with a heart to encourage, inspire, and empower her readers. Connect with Kim on her blog, Facebook and Twitter.

Fear and Doorknobs

Every birth worker knows they’ll one day lose a baby. We know this, we have to know it, it’s a fact of life. No matter what we want or what we do, sometimes babies die.

I knew this. I knew it, and I hoped for it never to happen, but it did.

It’s impossible to describe what it’s like to hold a nascent soul in your hands as it crosses from earth to heaven – to cradle that soul as you work with every last shred of knowledge and skill to infuse it with life, only for it to hover on the brink, teeter, and slip away.

The family that lost their baby – well, their understanding and their grace is also impossible to describe.

It can only be illustrated.

Five months after the devastation of their first baby’s birth, the couple discovered they were again with child, due around the time of the first baby’s birthday. They called to tell me, and to request I come for a visit. Chilly fingers clutched at my heart, but I said I’d come.

By this time, the tragedy had been subjected to peer reviews, the three of us had spent hours processing their loss and discussing the future, and numberless prayers had been prayed – so, when they said, “Kim, we want you to be our midwife again,” the only thing to do was listen.

I sat in silence in their living room. What had happened with the first baby would be unlikely to happen again, and this couple knew me, trusted me, and wanted me. Those were the facts. The only question that needed an answer was whether or not I felt I could attend them again.

Based on logic, I said I would, though I made it clear they might do better with another midwife purely because of the irreducible measure of fear that would certainly hound me as I cared for them. They said they understood, and we decided to move forward with care.

We chatted awhile then, as we often did, about this and that and the other. By the time we’d hugged our goodbyes, though they simmered yet in my heart, neither the baby I’d failed to save, nor the baby I hoped to welcome safely to life was in the fore of my mind.

The God of open and closed doors by Kim Woodward Osterholzer

But when I put my hand on the doorknob of their home to let myself out, I sensed the voice of the Lord whisper into my spirit, “Everything’s going to be okay,” and fresh tears filled my eyes as a measure of peace flooded my heart.

The family’s pregnancy moved along through the rest of the winter, through the spring, and through the summertime without a single cause for concern, and I felt good about attending their birth – until the afternoon the woman called to tell me she was having regular contractions – one year and one day past the birth and the death of her first baby.

A wave of icy fear passed over me. I whispered a prayer, bundled my gear into the car, called my assistants, and headed out. I arrived to find the woman in active labor, and to find neither of my assistants available to help me. I was struck and stunned by another chilly wave, but the breathings and groanings of the travailing woman demanded I gather my wits and get to work. I brought my things in, I spent a spell monitoring mom and baby, and I set up the supplies. And then, all there was for it was the wait. So, I waited, and the wait was excruciating.  Memories from the year before trickled in, and another wave of fear loomed and threatened to break over me.

I headed for the door, thinking a walk about the yard would help clear my head.

And, when my hand touched the doorknob, I heard the voice of the Lord again, “Kim, remember, I said it would be okay.”

I returned to the couple in peace, and, soon after, the woman’s groans turned to gruntings, and she and her husband drew to their hearts a lively, thriving baby girl, and we baptized her with our tears, and they named her Grace.

And the peace of God, which passes all understand, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”  -Philippians 4:7

Listening to His Voice,
Kim

Get caught up on the other “Listen Close, Listen Well” posts below:

Not Ours to Give Away by Tiffany Parry

Lean In My Daughters by Kerrington Sweeney

Listening When It’s Loud by Teri Lynne Underwood

 

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
  • Click to share on X (Opens in new window) X
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Pinterest
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window) LinkedIn
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window) Tumblr
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window) Email
  • Click to print (Opens in new window) Print

Filed Under: Guest Post, Listen Close, Listen Well Tagged With: children, loss, parenting

Previous Post: « Don’t Miss Sacred Assignments
Next Post: Interview with Kaitlyn Bouchillon (Author of Even If Not) »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Kristen Ratkos says

    March 24, 2016 at 8:14 am

    Absolutely beautiful…I love how you express your relationship with the Lord and the manner in which He speaks to you. I love your example of listening, of following His lead when it would have been so much easier to just go your own way. Thank you for this…<3

    • kim says

      March 24, 2016 at 11:48 am

      Thank you, Sister! I love the relationship! It grieves my heart to think of folks slogging through this challenging life without the friendship and guidance of our Amazing God.

  2. Julie Steck says

    March 24, 2016 at 10:37 am

    What a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing.

    • kim says

      March 24, 2016 at 11:50 am

      Thank you, Julie ♥

  3. Marigene says

    March 25, 2016 at 8:14 pm

    I was sitting on the edge of my chair waiting for the outcome !! Praise God for the gift you have..make that many gifts that you have & keep listening to HIM! and thank you for sharing with us!

    • kim says

      March 26, 2016 at 12:52 am

      Thanks so much, Marigene ♥

  4. sandy Smith says

    March 26, 2016 at 11:37 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing. I needed to hear your words. There are times when I don’t think God ever hears me. I believe He does now. You inspire me, Kim.

    • kim says

      April 4, 2016 at 9:24 pm

      Oh, I missed your comment somehow! But, I’m glad what I wrote inspired you to believe that the Lord does hear you, Sandy, because I just KNOW He does – He hears, He cares – and I know He speaks to you, too! Thanks for your response ♥

  5. Audrey says

    March 29, 2016 at 12:16 pm

    Just what I needed to read right now, in this very moment. God uses others to speak to us, sometimes. ? Oh, how good He is to be such a faithful, loving Father!

    • kim says

      April 4, 2016 at 9:27 pm

      Oh, thank you for sharing that, Audrey! God’s used many others to speak to me throughout my life, including you! I’m loving your blog! You’re a beautiful young lady, all the way through ♥

Primary Sidebar

katie reid headshot

MEET KATIE

Hi, I'm Katie (a Modern Martha, wife, and mom to five). I'm so glad you're here! Let's enjoy some cut-to-the-chase conversation over hot or iced tea, as we find grace in the unraveling of life (together). Let's exchange try-hard striving for hope-filled freedom as we settle into our position as a doer and a daughter—created by a Loving Father.

Read More

Subscribe for regular updates & receive a free video series.

Made Like Martha

Made Like Martha
Buy Now

Echoes of My Heart

Echoes of My Heart CD
Buy Now

Favorites for You

25 affiliate resources for communicator creatives and busy women

This site uses affiliate links.
Click here to read the full disclosure.

Footer

Search This Site

Recent Posts

  • God, What Do I Do? Bible Study Introduction with Katie & Lee
  • Looking Back, Looking Ahead with Katie and Lee
  • Benefits of Chiropractic Care with Dr. Lianne Coombe, B.A., D.C
  • Seven Ways to Get Healthy with Kelly Cullen, ND

Stay Connected

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Copyright © 2025 Katie M. Reid · Design by The Design Diva · Development by MRM

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Accept Read More
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Non-necessary
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
SAVE & ACCEPT