We don’t always talk about motherhood in this space, but on occasion we offer resources to help moms grow and thrive. With the holidays approaching and stress rising as the calendar fills, I thought it was a good time to host one of the authors from a favorite parenting book of mine, Triggers.
Let’s give a warm welcome to one of my West Coast friends, Amber. She is an intentional mom as well as a creative, hard-working woman in the film industry.
Help For the Mom Whose Words Seem to Do More Harm Than Good
By Amber Lia
I haven’t talked about this before, but it seems like this is the right time.
I remember laying on the cold tile floor of my childhood bathroom as the fog of depression engulfed me. I didn’t totally know why, I just knew that I was sad and I didn’t know how to communicate it. So, for many months, I withdrew and endured.
I remember sitting at a burger joint, lips sealed as I refused to eat. And other days when I would polish off a box of peanut butter granola bars in one sitting. Both, symptoms of feeling out of control and in agony.
My mom and dad did the best they could, but they had their own troubles. None of us knew what to say or how to say it. I’m not sure when things began to improve for me, though the sadness began to melt away like snow confronted by the sun, as progressive as the changing of seasons. My season of glum gave way to spring. I can only credit God’s mercy, and His Word, which was rooted deeply in my young heart. When no adult had the right words to say, the Holy Spirit revived me with nuggets of hope from verses I memorized over the years. It saved my life.
The most challenging part of this dark period is that I didn’t have anyone speaking life into my heart. I needed words that I could play on repeat in the records of my mind. I truly believe that would have made all the difference. Perhaps, the many months could have been weeks. Or days.
When I became a mom myself, I longed to be a woman whose words were compassionate, wise, and timely. My daily prayer became, “Lord, give me discernment regarding my children and help me to say things that build them up instead of tearing them down.” As the years went by, I saw the impact of those prayers as the Holy Spirit enabled me to say things to my kids that both blessed them and caused them to behave in ways I knew would honor God.
Proverbs 12:18 became a life verse for me in my role as a parent: “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
My friend and writing partner, Wendy Speake, and I have shared so many of these words and phrases that we use with our kids, amongst ourselves. We call them our “Parenting Scripts” and when our readers write to us, they often tell us that they simply aren’t sure what to say to their kids in the heat of the moment. So they default to doing nothing at all, or worse–saying things that do far more harm than good. I could relate.
That’s why Wendy and I have labored over our new book project together so prayerfully. Parenting Scripts: When What You’re Saying Isn’t Working, Say Something New, is our answer to all those reader requests. Laid out as a parenting book and workbook all in one, each of the 31 short chapters suggests scripts – words to say during the most problematic parts of family life.
When I look back on my own parenting in the early years, I understand the helplessness that comes with desiring to parent well and have the right words to say for every situation, and yet feeling ill-equipped.
It would be so sad for me to know that my own child would go through any situation, whether depression, or simply learning how to get along with their siblings better, without some wise and biblical insights from me as their mom–without phrases they could almost say in their sleep, in order to awaken in them, the Truth of godly living.
I trust that these parenting scripts, which are all based on Scriptures, will bless your family as much as they have blessed ours. I pray that they will be words of life that you can repeat to your own children instead of defaulting to the same old ineffective phrases you may be using now.
When I was a child, there was no script for helping me through my trial of depression. I’m forever grateful that the Lord allowed me to cling to His Word during that dark season. And I know full well, that God is still purposefully writing the script of my life in such a way that it will be a legacy of love for my children. I trust that is true for you too. And that we will experience the freedom and joy of words founded in God’s wisdom, bringing healing to our homes.
During November 2017 only, Amber and her co-author Wendy are running a special (just a few days left). Purchase their book popular book, Triggers: Exchanging Parents’ Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses, and receive Parenting Scripts: When What You’re Saying Isn’t Working, Say Something New in December. This bundle deal also includes a teaching video series and much more!
*And the following deal is available Tues. Nov. 28th!
Purchase a copy of Parenting Scripts and email your receipt to firstname.lastname@example.org and you’ll receive a free pdf copy of Holiday Triggers! Your purchase and email must fall between 12:00am on 11/27/17 and 11:59pm on 11/28/17 to qualify for the BOGO offer! You’ll receive your copy of Holiday Triggers within 48 hours!
Thank you for being here today, Amber. Thank you for being an inspiration to so many moms— to love their children with patience and tenderness.
A former high school English teacher, Amber is a work-at-home mom of 4 little boys under the age of 10. She is the co-author of Amazon #1 Best Seller, Triggers: Exchanging Parents’ Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses and the Triggers Study Guide. She and her husband Guy own Storehouse Media Group, a faith-friendly and family-friendly TV and Film production company in Los Angeles, CA. When she’s not building sand castles with her boys on the beach, or searching for Nerf darts all over her house, you can find Amber writing to encourage families on her blog at Mother of Knights (www.motherofknights.com).
Amber and Wendy are committed to helping us parent from a place of kindness and grace…in order to do that, it’s important that we understand the kindness and grace of our Heavenly Father.
To read more about that, see the posts below:
I’d love to stay connected with you, as we find grace in the unraveling of life, together. Subscribe by email and receive weekly encouragement…and be one of the firsts to hear about book updates too.