Today was kind of a weird day. Our schedule was unusually full; two doctor appointments, store stops (Meijer three times), out-to-eat twice (gift cards), and music class. But, all the while, phone in hand (or on hip, or in purse but turned up to HIGH- if vibrate was needed, in doctor’s office, then holding it close so as to not miss it)- THE CALL. The call I have been waiting for for years, well, at least almost one full year. January 11, 2011 was the day that God made it clear that it was time to act and start the adoption process…. and this Wednesday, January 11, 2012 will mark one year. Didn’t think we’d still be waiting- probably good I didn’t know we’d still be waiting.
Today, we were supposed to get THE CALL- the one where they say, you’ve been chosen- the birthmom chose you. That’s most of the reason I couldn’t sleep last night- tossing and turning, waiting for today when we were supposed to find out. But for some reason we didn’t, we don’t know what birthmom decided yet. Maybe tomorrow?
I tried to handle myself with some dignity and grace today- I had some moments of that, but mostly I was on high alert- wanting to know either way, but oh, so hoping and praying that this time the news was YES. Today, I was tempted to take matters into my own hands? What would I do, not really sure. But this not having control over the outcome thing is not so easy for me. I don’t want to have a Hagar moment or golden calf moment, I want to finish strong. “It isn’t how you start that counts, it is how you finish” echoes in my ears. But, man it is hard to finish well, finish strong, just finish period.
Had some really good times in the Word this past week- He is faithful to bring it to completion. Nothing is too difficult for Him…Nothing is impossible with Him. And a song lyric, “Savior, He can move the mountains- my God is mighty to save”.
Words can’t adequately describe how thankful we are that you are on this journey with us, that you are praying for our child and us. Again, can I ask you to pray? Pray for this little girl- there is a battle in the spiritual realm for us all- would you pray for the life of this little girl and that she will come home to us, if that is indeed God’s will. I feel like it is, but He knows best and has a much better perspective on things than I do.
Thank You God- that You don’t change. That You are still on the throne, still Creator, still Holy, Still Lord- even when things don’t go how I thought or wanted.
“Holy, You are still holy- even when I don’t understand Your ways. Sovereign, You are still Sovereign- even when my circumstances don’t change.” (my favorite Rita Springer song- one that is hard to sing tonight, but speaks straight to my soul).
What do you need to lay before Him tonight?