I had something ugly happen to me…an insensitive comment, intended to educate, struck at my hope; trying to slice it in two. I put on a brave face, and determined to not be “offended”- a much too easy chip I wear (offense).
I really was trying to show grace (how many ill-timed/well-intended things have I said, injuring those in my path, trying to relate only to wound)?
Then, not a few minutes later, enters Mary.
I only met her briefly, but what a treasure.
We had just been introduced and she says, I want to tell you something
She proceeds to glue the hope, hanging by looser threads, right back to together.
Taking ugly and redeeming it with a quiet grace and dignity.
She tells of someone she knows well, who got “the call” after many ups and downs. And it turned out well and right.
Oh, how I long for that day.
“Are you ready to come get your baby?”
Sweet Mary, I may never see you again. But thank you for looking me straight in the eyes, and choosing to tell me a story with the ending I have been aching for.
Thank you for taking the ugliness and breathing beauty and grace right into the moment.
Tears flow with gratitude for this aged angel who helped me stand up tall so quickly after a strong temptation to bend.
Monday, there is a young lady, who will look.
Look at our family profile among others.
Please pray for her.
For peace beyond measure
Please pray for us.
Sandwiched between hope and fear
With an infant seat stowed away just in case
With a brave face out front and a mess of emotions within
With a heart that is being stretched much wider than I expected
and thankfully that He won’t let it crumble apart or break in two.
For Monday, then the wait and unknown
For the days in between, the waiting- the slow motion and trying to act normal and the tension in neck, and waking up, and trying to be even-keeled and that just not happening:), for the mind circling…
For excitement and uncertainty all wrapped up in a lumpy package
For Thursday, when this life will burst forth
And oh, to hold him
I don’t know, I feel 50/50
But He will hold him and will hold her
And will decide
He will decide
This lent, I circle round “control”, wanting it to sink right down and free me
Open hands slowly, grip softening through trials
But feels good too
35 years of control
Needing to relearn, unlearn
A better place
A freeing place
Giving thanks for this- the ugly hard, the heart stretching and hopefully enlarging too
Feeling ready and then not at all, all at once
For darling daughter, tender heart bleeding, tired of waiting
Hanging on to faith, but upset with the wait, with the love stored needing to be poured out
Please pray for her, and the boys too-
we all wait and hope and stretch our necks around the corner,
is this it?
For the husband, who feels deep
And doesn’t try to correct and lets me feel and knows
Quietly, retrieves infant seat from basement, brings it right up
In light, looks and knows this is just what I need, even if it comes right back with us, empty
In taking it we keep breathing hope, because without hope we start to sink
He sees and hear cries
Thank You God, for the hard- somehow it is beautiful grace too; maybe more so.
Tonight this place is where He has us
Thankful He will uphold, no matter what comes (or does not come)
Phil 4:19…He will supply what we need, now and then…according to His matchless generosity; grace that is deep and wide and doesn’t stop.