We headed up to a ministry conference on Monday. We arrived early to take a rest and unwind before three days full of great teaching, worship, fellowship, and training. Then the phone started ringing…three very difficult things…a friend’s child airlifted, a close friend with some uncertain test results, and then our caseworker called. Heart skipping beat, what will the outcome be? No.
Disappointment again. Loss. Grief. Yet, we prayed that the birthmom would know clearly who to choose. She felt a strong connection with one family….so, as hard as it was to feel another slip through our fingers- this one too was meant to slip through our fingers… to effect us, to leave on imprint on our hearts. We cried, okay sobbed. As poetic hubby quoted, “Tis better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.” I think we are learning how to love better, more- heartstrings stretched further. Looked up quote to find who said it….
hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
Then another call, four calls now all in about an hour- up and down, so many emotions, a sea of them. Case worker again, this time telling us there is another birthmom who will look at profiles the very next day. Elation at the possibility; risks present, down and up. Song comes to mind, “Though there be giants in the land we will not be afraid- He did not bring us out this far to take us back again”. Even though there has been heartache, and the adoption is taking much longer than we thought…we will not turn back. He sustains. Through the craziness He sustains. Crying and laughing, and wow, it is hard. But we will keep going, we won’t turn back.
Found this little treasure displayed in our condo. The keynote speaker talked about how crisis helps refine us. Hmm, crisis present in our lives and those close to us. Refining happening all around, and within. There is a time for everything. This is our time of waiting. Will we remain faithful…Abraham and Sarah (from the Bible) come to mind…discovered these verses in Romans today.