Oh there you are.
And here I am.
Blogging is a funny thing.
This blog is a place for me to process, to think out loud, and to sort through the latest musings of this faith journey with the Lord. Most often I feel like I am writing in a journal or talking to a few close friends, and sometimes, I pretend I am speaking to a whole community of ladies; a captive audience.
It is hard to know and tell who is here, reading the pages of my heart, but, I am glad you are here- I have missed sharing and “chatting” with you.
You might be wondering why I haven’t blogged since mid March…
I could give you a lot of really good reasons why…like, no internet here until now, moving, unpacking and decorating a “new” house, starting homeschooling back up, etc. But the main reason I have taken a blogging hiatus is because of him.
Meet Strong One.
He is amazing.
As you know we had quite the journey to each other.
We were both overdue.
I love that (well, I didn’t love being overdue…haven’t met anyone who does).
But, I love the fact that we both were overdue and yet, right on time, on God’s “timetable”.
God was always working, working this out. Had we gotten the baby in November, or any of the other countless babies over the past 21 months, we would not be here; right now, looking at him.
So many adoptive parents told me it would be this way, it would all be worth it (like with labor, you quickly forget the pain- almost- as you hold that precious little one). Promised one, here, at last.
I could try to keep describing how right this feels, or you could just look at this photo and understand- without words.
Honestly, part of me not writing (besides sleep deprivation, bonding with Strong One, and adjusting to our new life) has been that I am not sure what to say. I know, me not knowing what to say? Shocking!
It has been such a rich and challenging journey with THE STRONG ONE (the Lord) to Strong One. We have learned so much, yet now it all really begins. It is hard to believe that he is really here; in the flesh, in our arms.
Oh, there you are.
And here I am.
It is hard to put into words all that is going on in my head and heart. But, we are so grateful. These verses help articulate what I am trying to communicate:
Isaiah 12:4-6 “And in that day you will say, ‘Give thanks to the LORD, call on His name. Make known His deeds among the peoples; Make them remember that His name is exalted. Praise the LORD in song, for He has done excellent things! Let this be known throughout the earth. Cry aloud and shout for joy, O inhabitant of Zion, for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel.”
I am ashamed to admit that I have been struggling with doubt. After all the mountains the Lord has moved, how dare I doubt? Mark 9:24b “…I do believe; help my unbelief.”
It reminds me of the time I did “The Stand” at camp. The Stand is an adventure element where you climb a 25 foot telephone pole and try to stand up on the top of it… then you proceed to leap off it, trying to grab a trapeze bar on the way down.
I was brave and confident, even a little arrogant, in the attempt, “Let’s do this!”
I started questioning a bit when the facilitator put on the equipment, “Is this safe? Is this harness tight enough?”
Then I started the ascent, moving pretty quickly at first, then, as the distance widened between myself and the ground, and I looked down, I started doubting…”Is the pole sound; why are their cracks in the wood?”, “Is the facilitator holding the belay rope tight enough?”
As I got to the top, the fear really started pounding from within and around, almost paralyzing…I was shaky and uncertain, and wondering what I had gotten myself into. Yet, I was determined.
After, what seemed like a really long time, and with a lot of encouragement from my family, I finally stood up; it was terrifying and thrilling at the same time. I jumped off (didn’t get the trapeze, but tried).
After it was over, I felt such a surge of joy and relief too. It was a big deal.
Insert deep, cleansing breath.
She knows he will fit in just fine.
Now, of course I want to mindful of all the things I mentioned and more, but the most important thing is loving #4, Strong One, as our son and the newest member of our family.
Faithful is He…”O LORD, Thou art my God; I will exalt Thee, I will give thanks to Thy name; for Thou hast worked wonders; plans formed long ago, with perfect faithfulness.” Isaiah 25:1
At the end of this month we will be hosting the “Intentional Mothering” series here on the blog. I am so excited to share some very special moms with you and their experiences and encouragement. In the meantime, I will post here some, but mostly I want to focus on being a more intentional mama to this sweet boy and his three amazing siblings and loving wonderful Hubby better, as we embark on this new adventure.